|
| I want to deal with myself now. Most of the time those around me might be thinking "Oh Meghan has it all together" or "Meghan's relationship with God is out standing!" but I don't think that's true. Many times I seek other things, not bad things, but not the best. God's the best, yet we generly go for the easiest pleasure. But we are meant to always seek out pleasure. The heart desires, and we choose what it desires. If we're are not thinking "I love you God," that's when we fail. That's when our minds go off into luxery. I don't think God intended us to live in luxery,(or what we call luxery,) I think He meant us to live joyouosly, but not to where lies of secroritry in our present state are so believable. Does that make sence? Not to be deprived of the things we need and enjoy, but the glutiness forms of them. Anyhow, I think when so much "pleasure" is put before our faces we fall apart. Have I ever told you I strongly dislike tecknowlagy? Well I really do. Because it's easier to blame it then to say I don't know how to controll all my fleshly desires. Like spoons and Rosy O'Donled. Like guns and death. Computers waste my time so much. Yet if you were to really look at the picture you'd see it was me. Of cource computers arn't a complete waste of time, right now I am able to tell my thoughts to whoever wants to hear, as well as make sence of myself. No, tec is good.
Time to confess the state of my mind. I live in my head(who doesn't?), and when things look like they would fit, I think they do when really they don't at all. (Or you could just say, if something doesn't fit it really doesn't matter how off you were.) I keep geussamating at where people are when I leave them messages, or judging people without knowing what God truly truly thinks of them and I just put them on my "holy" scale and see if they match up. Not good. How dare I compare people to God! How dare I asume I know everything! How could I think that God has given me all the right thoughts in the world! I don't have God's intallect. My pride isn't huge, but it's not where it's meant to be. My mom calls it over confadence, I call it my fluffy head. (Yeah I just made that up.) but it's true, there is so much room for improvement. I can see of every time I go to my co-op. I just seem to scream to myself "Mistake! Mistake! Mistake!", and it's not my school work. It's my words. I have really been looking at the roots of my words resently. Words that might not seem harmful at all to others, I know their roots are rotten. Exsamples include saying back to Mark my prayer request was for him to get propper sleep. See? It seems harmless, but what I really meant was that I didn't need prayer, you do. Get off my case. He wasn't even on my case. I've got some things to settle with him. Big ones. But God needs to handle that. I can't, I'd really mess it up more. And He is, in His own timing.
I've been thinking about how the vilent take the victory by force. And that's how they win. And I think, "How much do I really want this?" because I know that of you truly follow your dreams nothing will stop you. (I think God likes our hard work for the things we desire. It's like a picture of Him.)
Well this post really should continue on a bit more but this ipod battery is almost dead and it's time to go to sleep.( P.S. I know I have good points too, just I know that I'm being called to live more rightously.) | | |
| Isn't it amazing how people choose things for you wheather or not you desire it? They sterio type you according to their own personal people taste, and then you're there for the rest of their mind's time as this or that. They want to make themselves more comfortable with their surroundings. I think a lot of the problem our need to feel sucure. It's also probally me, yet also them. I think everyone does this though. Pride, the need to dominate, it happens.
You ever get angry at people for not getting to know you? Silly question, this is really pointed at my dad. I just wish he knew how to be my friend, but there's little I can do to have his friendship. A parent is meant to presue the kid, not vice versa. It also takes two to tango. I resently was angry at my dad for talking about the advantages of getting a degree. Just to let you know, there's nothing wronge with getting a degree. It wasn't about that. It was about the fact my dad had no right to pressure me into it. Because he has not taken the time to get to know me. God has given him to me as a father, but that time for him to make my choices for me is almost and truly has ended. I'm a grown woman. That's what bothering me. My need to fly and his need to rule.
Ever feel like what you feel like what you are choosing to presue is the third best thing to do in everybodies else's appenion? Why now? When I tell other people my plans I feel like they think me a fool, that I'm going on my own present whims, but if it's a whim I've had them my whole life. It is foolish not to go to collage but I AM AFOOL ( a follower of our Lord). So there. God has a plan for my life and it is a lot better than any thing my dad could think of or visalize.
My dreams will come true. Even if they're dumb. I think God gave them to me. My life dreams really haven't change since I was little. I am a speaker, a pastor, a visionary, a dreamer, a famous artist, a celebraty, everything worth being. I am me. You'll see. You'll see me being world renowned for healing people, for praying, for loving, but may it be (always)for the glory of God. I am a priest, a worshipper, a king, and an appossal. You'll see. Someday. I wish this could be easy, but it'll hurt. Birth pains.
- Meghan | | |
| Geuss what Anna! I'm afraid to speak all that I could say! LOL (Confidence! Confidence!) isn't that what I always say? Well I'm afraid of my idenity in Christ. I am scared to teach and to confide in others deeply. ... LOL. Sound formilar Anna? Just to odd for me not to laugh. Teach me O LORD to accept my fate. (Yes I believe in a plan laid out for me.) I don't like to be the center of attention. I like to be first row but in the croud. That's not where Jesus wants me though. Jesus wants me to teach/tell what He shown me.
I will learn to do it. Pray for me.
And give any comments. | | |
|
I just answered this Featured Question; you can answer it too!
We would all talk, be quished in a croud of xangans, fight, laugh, agree, eat, and wonder aimlessly | | |
| Many things seem wrong in my life right now. Things like friends gone, friends in love, and school in the summer. Life does not seem like a world that wants me to be happy right now. In fact, I think it wants me sad, but Jesus is there.
I dream of a world where friends never grow up with out me, they don't have their own adventures I can't go on.
Did you know I'm a fairy godmother? Well I am. Dear people, after the fair godmother gives her princess the dress and shoes, she is no longer needed to ensure the happiness of the fair maidan. No longer needed. Like john the baptist, I must decrease. Which pains me to know.
Then, if I were to be in love, (- could you imagine why?...) he would not love me. He would be freaked out by the knowlage. He probally could geuss at one point. I don't think it crosses his mind any more. What would you you say if he loved some one that brought him greive mixed with drama mixed in evil. So what would you do? Love is both wounderful and misused.
Adventures they alone can truely face. Well them and their other. Which is not me.
Now, I know that I am being a little dramatic. But isn't that a girl's mind?
Ever had a freind leave never to return, or be too busy for your freindship for years or even months? I have. It makes you wonder if they ever atually cared. Or if they didn't want to tell you to go away when you were in fequint contact with them.
I miss those I adore over time. ...... If I see you and we talk, but like we are madly intreed by the things we say.I love it. But if not, I might lose the intrest in the person. ( Here are tips to my psyc. ) people who seem uninterested in me( even if they aren't. ) I lose intrest. It's horible I know but it's a human brain. Loyal, but afraid. Afraid to really hurt myself by loving what will never love me back as much. Which makes me love them less. Thus I lose my love of people. My most prized posesion. ( God counts as a person too. But. In His own catagory. )
By the way, school in summer is just wrong. Tell that to the slacker who is writting this. No, education is a privalage. Not some thing to be dispised still don't like it tho grrerr. Moving on.
Jesus is by far the best thing in my life right now ( dose that sound negotive or what?!) He is my joy in life. Not video games or tv or even, dare I say it friends. He is truely good. Truely.
Music is also good. I'm wondering what his plan for that is. He has a plan.
I am going to be some one great some day. Why won't I let myself say to people? I geuss I'm afraid they will laugh at me or think I'm prideful. I'm really not. Well somewhat. God has great and amazing things planned for my life. I'm just not there yet.
God has some thing great planned for this summer! I can feel it. | | |
|
